What do you think about the Intro to my story?

hi there, if you want my honest advice, it's not bad but its not great either. It's a bit muddled and rushed and a bit of a jumble to read, too much is happening at once. I got a little confused, you need to slow down first of all. It seems a little rushed, to make it a good piece of writing you need to put a bit more time into it and maybe try to slowly build the suspense and make it more gripping to read. as i said build it up slowly, dont introduce too many people at once. its all just constructive criticism and i hope it help and i havent offended. good luck xx