Do you think I could make this into a book? and is it good or not?

It's good, don't get me wrong, but I found it a little.....Choppy. Some short sentences are good, but using them repeatedly can sometimes be a dangerous thing to do. Also, some of the comas are in the wrong place, but I shouldn't be pulling you up on your grammar, because it certainly had potential. And yes! I do think you could make it into a book! And it is very good - I do like the personification about the pain at the beginning, and some of the sentences that roll, such as 'There for me to grab, to make mine.' the coma in the middle of that sentence was a good decision!!! :) :) I know the review is mixed, but I just wanted to help!